Euro-English
This post is dedicated to Marian Santos-Hernandez, JM Castillo and Hans Montenegro.It's an oldie, but a goodie that I got on email. The original was written by Jeremy Clarkson back in the 90's as part of an article on the closure of an automotive manufacturing facility in the UK (was it Rover?) after the company was bought by Germans (BMW? Joby, if you're reading this, HELP ME). My memory fails me. I have the original on hard copy, but am obviously too lazy to type it up in its full glory. In any case, enjoy! And if you can imagine Jay Ignacio reading this to you, it will sound so much better!
With the implementation of the Euro underway these last few years, the European Union is trying to find new ways to standardise practices in Europe.
The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the EU rather than German, which was the other possibility.
As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty’s Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five year phase-in plan that would be known as “Euro-English”.
In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.
In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.
Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.
Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.
By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".
After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi to understand ech ozer. Ze drem vil finali kum tru! And zen ve vil rul ze vorld!
posted by Calai @ 2:53 PM
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